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Thursday, July 14, 2011

Worst Movies of All Time

sorry, sometimes you just have something else on your mind other than food. for me, it happens once every century. so for this one instance in my life, i'd like to discuss the worst movies i've ever seen in my life

1. envy - starring jack black and ben stiller, how could this possibly be bad, right? WRONG. nothing about this movie is good. and it painfully rolls on from terrible joke to horrendous joke. there was not ONE redeeming factor about this movie. envy is the gold standard for bad movies.

many people say i look like jack black. i don't see it though
2. my boss' daughter - about 10 minutes in, you think, just another romantic comedy...not bad. 30 minutes in, you think...this is getting weird. and an hour in,


there were a couple peanut gallery comments i had about the movie poster.

1. yeah. like watch this movie.
2. why are ashton and jor-el gazing into each others' eyes? you could say the old guy from elektra is trying to "keep an eye" on kelso, but why would you gaze so gently? wouldn't you have a more intimidating look?!?
3. why would tara reid unbutton the entire shirt with the tie still on?! very odd.
4. how many freaking 'S'sssssss are you going to put in one word?!?! ridiculously ridiculous.

3. street fighter: the legend of chun li - if you really want to ruin a franchise of video games, this was a great attempt at it. i can stand the jean claude van damme version because's the 90s. and for goodness sakes...IT'S JCVD!!!! plus, technology isn't as good to do awesome special effects, and well, jean claude van damme it was awesome to finally see some more video games on the big screen even if it sucked. who else wasn't excited to see super mario bros with john leguizamo?! but yeah, back to this piece of garbage.

wake up ultra!!!!
there was nothing in this movie that brought it back to the game and not even the cuteness of kristin kreuk could redeem any part of this pile of crap.

4. wild wild west - with every javier colon comes a carl lewis anthem, with in n out double double comes a whitecastle, with every final fantasy vii comes a final fantasy xiv, and with every independence day comes a wild wild west.

5. hancock - and with every hitch comes a hancock. you know how sometimes you try and start talking to someone of the opposite sex in order to try and impress them and you end up rambling on and on and by the end, you stop and did i get here??!

yup. that's what hancock is like about an hour in.

6. dinner with schmucks - like envy, this movie boasts comedic beasts in steve carrell, paul rudd, and zack galifanakis. how could this be bad?!? this movie is filled with so many uncomfortable moments, non-funny jokes, random mice, and strange one-liners, it pains me just thinking about it.

7. notorious - i hate that i hate this movie. i love biggie. but if a movie portrayed any person as super athletic, hilarious, mathematical genius, a fantastic father, loving son, and extremely hard working man, it makes me hate them. we need more of this:

8. pursuit of happyness - man. three will smith movies. hahahaha

so for any bad boys, there will be a pursuit of happyness

not sure what i hate more. the fact that this movie tried to be interesting with the mis-spelling of happiness. or big willie style trying to cash in on the cuteness of his afro sporting kid. or maybe it's the fact that they tried to say that money is the root of all happiness. when in fact we all know that that's not true.

this is the root of happiness is this:

cactus cooler!!!!!!!!!!!!!

what are your worst movies of all time?


ryan said...
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