Five Guys - Huntington Beach, CA

buenos dias mother effers. are you looking to eat a freaking awesome hamburger? if so, look no further. but let's be serious. who doesn't love hamburgers? i know you wished your life was like jughead jones from the archie comics and wear a crown on your head and eat burgers all day long because he made it look delicious and you want something that looks that effing good to fill your empty belly.

five guys has a beyond legit hamburger. want buns? of course they got that mess. juicy ground beef patty? NO FREAKING DOUBT. cheese? double cheese? TRIPLE CHEESE? whatever you want bro, they got it. smother some onions and pickles up in that mess? yup. i have no idea about the history of this place, but all 5 of these guys put everything that's awesome in a burger and are selling it to us. they don't mess around with these protein style lose weight kind of burgers. blogger to reader, let's be real here....if you're eating a burger, you're not trying to be healthy. you're trying to get something awesome. they make this mess next level delicious and they make you forget about any other hamburger like what veronica used to do archie whenever betty came around.

do you like fries? OF COURSE YOU DO. they got those here. hot, crisy and tasty as a mofo. real potatoes? I HAVE NO CLUE. it's real delicious though. and that's all that matters. i could care less about my fast food and if it's fresh produce or not. neither did moose and look at him. he got with midge. what a hottie.

you want some awards to prove that five guys knows what they're doing? you can take your judgmental eyes and point them towards any of the sexy four walls up in this piece. they got awards comin out of everywhere. above the doors, flanking the registers, slapping you in the face if you look anywhere. the only place they don't have it is on the toilet paper. but nobody needs that mess. five guys keeps it classy. like reggie. remember how classy reggie was? nobody did slicked back hair like reggie mantle. pat riley had nothing on the reg.

do you like peanuts? if so, they got mountains of this stuff for you to consume while you are waiting for your food or are in line. and that mess is free. people say nothing in life is free? THEY ARE WRONG. peanuts at five guys are. as free as the air that the gang breathes at riverdale high. BOOM. two things that are free in life. parents lie. don't like peanuts or have an allergy? DON'T EAT THAT MESS AND LET THE PEOPLE WHO CAN/DO ENJOY THEM.

if you are finally ready to stop reading this review and finally taste this burger of awesomeness, get in your jalopy and head over here so you can stop wasting your life away on missing out on this deliciousness.

people ask, is this the best burger? with that i respond with, if you leave there and do not think the burger tasted good, i will give you my archie comics collection.

i still have my collection. all 517 issues and counting.

plus double effing digests.